In whatever written form, I have been keeping a record of thoughts and experiences since I was 8. It can be embarassing reading these accounts from the past because they seem childish and trivial, but recently I’ve found that there is also a lot I can learn from a naïve and optimistic self. Stumbling across an archive of writing from 2005 to 2008, I time-travelled and received more insight about some important moments from the past. Because it’s been so long, I’ve forgotten some of the reasons, circumstances and thoughts that lead me to the decision to apply for YSDN or to overcome my first real heartbreak. Rereading these have been refreshing, and made me feel like I was learning from my own past wisdom and clarity.

Khoi Vinh’s explanatory post on why he chose to leave his position as design director of NYTimes.com, was a much needed reminder to me that it’s a good idea to write things down. Keeping a record of ideas doesn’t just justify decisions in writing, but helps us remember the optimistic drive we initially had, when we grow weary and challenged later on. I was so moved by Khoi’s brave love for his daughter and his courage to not ignore “frustrated ambitions.” It’s important to first live and just be, to do all the things we want now before we can inspire younger people with our stories of risk-taking and fulfilment.

Plenty of parents make heroic sacrifices for their children, staying in whatever imperfect jobs are available to them so their children can lead better lives. But to stay in a job simply for stability when I knew I had the skill and more importantly the opportunity to try something different seemed like cowardice. I just couldn’t square the idea of the uninhibited woman that I wanted Thuy to grow up to be with the daily lesson I’d be giving her in suppressing one’s dreams. And I just didn’t think I’d be able to hide any of those feelings from her, no matter how brave a face I could put on.

So I’m going to start a new category here, Notes to Self, to remind future Cheryl of why I do the things I do, the goals I’ve set out for myself and to make sure those visions are always in check. Hopefully this will document my growth but also help me remember when I’m caught up in the routine of life, to keep my eyes on the prize.